Reigning in the Inner Curmudgeon

  Nurse Bonnie calls me cutie just about every chance she gets. At first I though it was just a personality twitch. Something she couldn’t control like calling a stray cat 'kitty kitty kitty'. If I ask for something it’s always “comin right up cutie!” Whenever she reciprocates thanks it’s “you’re welcome cutie.” Normally not the kind of personality information I would read into, but instead I would write this behavior off as improper noun abuse and ignore it. This time is not a normal time. As I am covered head to toe in bloody boils and itchy legions I found myself increasingly irritated with nurse Bonnie’s abuse the term 'cutie.'  

     My plan was to subtly retaliate using a similar word, ‘sweetie’ as much as I could. In hopes that this would irritate her and she would see the error of her 'cutie' abusing ways. I ended five different statements with Sweetie over three minute period. Bonnie was not fazed, she seemed indifferent.  I needed a new strategy. I needed to let her know the overuse of cutie was ostentatious and absent-mindfully pretentious. Not to mention that given my present condition referring to me as ‘cutie’ was just plain incorrect.-- In that very same mind breath (the last sentence was the inhale) I realized what was going on. Upon exhaling my mind breath the answer manifested itself. Nurse Bonnie was not absent-minded, pretentious or wrong. She was a Jedi. She was using her Jedi Nurse Bonnie powers on me. Her use of this word ‘cutie’ was intentional. She was trying to exterminate my temporary low self-esteem with her cutie light saber. She knew I felt incredibly ugly and this was not something Jedi Bonnie would stand for. She attacked my dark side with the force. I felt instantly more beautiful because she cared enough to use the force. Do or do not, there is no try. Cutie or Cutie not, there is no itchy legion.